For example, sometimes I will text a friend of mine to hangout and they might ignore me or come up with an excuse not to meet (which could legitimate). In the past, this would cause a lot of mixed emotions. A part of me would feel relieved that I don't have to challenge myself but another part of me would be feel frustrated because I really want to work on being pro-active. The feeling of frustration could grow into resentment and feeling inadequate because they didn't want to hangout with me. Of course, that usually was not the case but it would feel that way in the moment. Also, I would really struggle with finding alternatives. It would be hard for me to think of anyone else I could reach out to and as a result be resigned to being alone. When I started making progress was when I let go of the judgments that I would make about situations like that, both positive and negative. Instead, thinking about how so and so was just making excuses or I was too lame for people to want to hangout with me, I would divert that energy into finding new opportunities to be social. I could start searching for a meetup group online or even just call a family member to chat with. The thing is that finding these alternatives often would be like tipping a domino that would create a chain reaction to more social opportunities.
Going to a meetup group could lead me to meeting someone with a shared interest which could lead us to hanging out somewhere else. Then I could meet someone else there and find new opportunities. Also, by having these new experiences, I could mentioned them in conversation somewhere else, say work, and that could lead something. All of those situations could be started by clicking join on a webpage. The domino effect could lead in the other direction. Someone acts negatively towards me, I internalize that and dwell on it, then I get stuck in avoidance for the next 6 months.
Identifying these dominoes in our lives and observing there effects can be crucial. This week, think about the negative dominos in your life that lead to things like avoidance, anxiety, and depression. What are you doing that is leading to that? It could be something that you are doing or simply the way your perceive something. Work on catching yourself doing those things and stop yourself from doing it. More importantly, identifying dominoes that can lead to positive things. Again, this could be something you can do or just changing the way you perceive something. Tip over that domino and see what happens.
